3 Mistakes Adult Children Make When Stepping into Family Finance Decisions
- Anthony McInnes
- Jun 12
- 5 min read
The transition for adult children to help their parents with the financial administration of their affairs can occur incrementally or all at once.
People often approach us after something has happened. But leading into this we hear and see some common faults that with some foresight and planning could be addressed earlier.
The Timing - It's reactive and not proactive.
The cliché exists because unfortunately it happens frequently.
Something happened, suddenly, to mum or dad and now quick decisions need to be made. Some things can’t be addressed before time, that is true. But the guiding thoughts, the principals to be followed, the general vibe and feeling. These are things that often matter the most and ideally you don’t discover them (if at all) before it’s too late.
Instead, have the conversation early. And to do this, identify what is stopping you now or has been stopping you in the past.
Too busy – Schedule it in.
Not your responsibility – OK, maybe not now, but whose will it be later on?
Unsure where to start – See the below line.
“Mum, I’ve been wanting to understand what is important to you. Tell me about how you feel towards X or Y.”
I would thoroughly endorse taking a look at www.putthekettleon.com.au.
The Temperature – Reading the Room
It’s a Thursday evening. You’ve picked one kid up from soccer training and the other from the train station after a late uni lecture. Your wife had her one-day-a-week from the office today and with an accident on the M5 she’s running late. The original plan had been for her to pick up dinner, but now you’re all heading over to her parent’s place for a meal. 10 minutes notice is always enough as there is a big freezer over there.
Except this time, it’s not. It’s the day before shopping day. Your wife’s dad had a fall a few weeks ago. And your brother-in-law had been over the night before (you can tell because he’s finally switched back cars after how many months).
But the mother-in-law comes through. “Not a problem. Bring them over.”
You hear it in the voice. It is a problem. And perhaps the overwhelm has been growing for a while.
And then your wife arrives. Cue cyclone. And issue dump.
This is life. But it’s changing and the tact that needs to be taken now is obvious, but in the moment, as the kids are chirping about not wanting another lasagna, and the father-in-law is stoically sitting in the corner but he’s spilt his bottle of water 30 minutes ago and didn’t want to inconvenience anyone but now he’s soaking wet, in that moment it’s not obvious.
And then you explode.
Instead, take the temperature. Yours. Because we’re not making decisions in this frame of mind, as much as you’d like to just get things sorted. Survive the moment first.
And what is this moment?
It’s firstly recognizing where you’re all at. Take the temperature as a family.
And then, however small, taking a next step.
It could be calling a family meeting. Or getting some legal documents sorted out so you’re allowed to sign for things. It could be putting together a plan.
The Team – Failure to Create
In times of stress, it’s completely normal and expected that humans will revert to their baseline implications.
James Clear said (albeit in a slightly different context) that people don’t rise to the level of their ability, but fall to the level of their systems. This is especially relevant when making emotionally based decisions. And there aren’t too many more emotionally based decisions that taking more ‘control’ from your parents.
A common mistake is to try and do everything yourself.
Involving your broader family from an early stage is crucial. Address some of the blocks for involvement now (see the ones from above that might have applied to you).
Bring in professionals where appropriate. Someone for household chores.
Someone for health and fitness. Sort out the finances. Who is their planner? Do you have a legal contact?
Final Thoughts
There are of course (unfortunately) many other things that can, and do, and will go wrong. But the common theme is that awareness and proactivity are the keys to minimising stress in what is often already a very stressful situation
We help to guide sandwiched professionals and their families through these difficult periods. Often it starts with some self-reflection.
For more guidance on Family Wealth Pathway services for high-net-wealth family and individuals across Australia, book a chat with our team.
Frequently Asked Questions
What legal documents should families have in order when a parent's health or capacity changes?
Enduring power of attorney and advance care directives are essential. Have these prepared and signed while a parent still has legal capacity. Without them, families can face significant delays in managing financial and medical decisions.
How can a financial adviser help families navigate the transition of managing a parent's wealth?
We help families understand what assets and obligations exist, organise responsibilities, and plan ahead for inheritance and estate costs. Professional guidance reduces the risk of costly decisions being made under stress.
What does proactive family wealth planning actually look like in practice?
It starts with conversations: identifying who holds legal authority, locating important documents, and understanding existing arrangements. A financial planning review then maps the full picture and identifies any gaps.
Is it ever too early to start planning for the financial complexities that come with ageing parents?
No. Most families wish they had started sooner. The earlier these conversations begin, the more options families have and the less stressful the transition becomes.
Should other family members be involved in managing a parent's finances?
Yes, wherever possible. Early involvement distributes responsibility, reduces misunderstandings, and creates shared clarity, which is particularly important when estate planning or generational wealth transitions are involved.
How do families approach the question of transferring wealth fairly across generations?
Fairness rarely means equal. It means equitable. A documented plan built around each family member's role and the family's values ensures wealth transfer decisions are made thoughtfully, not reactively.
What happens when family members disagree about how wealth should be managed or distributed?
Without a clear structure, disagreement is common and costly. A family governance framework, with agreed decision-making processes documented in advance, is far more effective than resolving disputes after the fact or in the heat of the moment.
How do families know when they need more than standard financial planning?
When the conversations shift from investment returns to family dynamics, decision-making, and wealth transfer, standard planning isn't enough. That's when structured, coordinated advice becomes essential.
Absolute Wealth Advisers are private wealth managers based in Sydney, serving high-net individuals and families across Australia. Through our Family Wealth Pathway, we deliver personalised family wealth planning options, build healthy, empowered relationships with money, and create a legacy of purpose, values and balance.
The content in this blog is general advice only.
In preparing it, we did not take into account your investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs. Before making an investment decision on the basis of this advice, you should consider how appropriate the advice is to your particular investment needs and objectives. You should also consider the relevant Product Disclosure Statement before making any decision relating to a financial product.
As you know, we are in our late seventies (77yrs old). Is it appropriate that our two children, now reflect on the aforementioned writings, and seek advice from our financial adviser, Louise Parker to guide them through matters pertaining to our futures?